Another chapter maybe?

There is only so much a person take, so much of heartbreak on person and endure. He has finally decided to give up, don't go chasing for it but let it come chasing for him, marriage is not something he thinks is a reality. If anything he imagines he would die infront of a TV, fat, old and with a whiskey at hand, alone only to be found by someone when his body starts to decompose.


He still doesn't understand, how one could say soo much and later pretend they never said it, that he should bugger off because she ain't worth it. He has reached his boiling point, he has given up in general.

He doesn't need that, he has soo much ahead of him, much more than he could imagine, blessed as he could be, he feels something is missing, he wants to feel loved


These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

The days go by fine for him, not a single time where he would have a worry even when things weren't going too well. Until, the drive home every night.

See he wasn't the type that likes to be at home, not because of familial problems he just feels soo trapped at home, every night he would go out, meet with friends, share some laughs and enjoy himself. When he gets in his car, lights a cigarette and starts driving, he starts feeling remorse, regret and self pity.


He's still confused about the things in his head, too much going on and too little time to interpret and to make time for everything. In spite of all the problems he never had any issues with sleep, until recently. He would stay up late at nights doing absolutely nothing, sheer pleasure of computer games or all the other usual things that keep him preoccupied dont seem to interest him anymore. Instead he starts thinking ahead.

Not in terms of the following day or the following week but more like, five months from now, five years from now and so on. Thinking about his career, thinking about his miserable love life and what it could have been with who.


He doesn't go a day without that feeling of regret for all the people he has hurt and bridges he had burned in such a short span of time. He's still at a daze, still trying to figure out what had happen to the person he once was a year ago and who is this monster that he has turned into.

These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

There Is No End

Honestly seems like there is no end to this chapter. I'm trying to start a new chapter in life, I want to move on, I want to change. Now the changing there is progress, but the chapter is taking abit longer, I want to clear the air with you two first but you don't plan on giving me a chance to do so.

She wanting to end a relationship for no apparent reason is justified... She's a girl, she is unhappy. But me, having being a fucking wreck for two months wondering what the fuck did I do wrong, did I hurt her, did I offend her, were we going too fast? Fucking questions that run through my head every fucking night and eventually after 4 months deciding to end things because I feel it's not working, that the only time we talk is when I call or bbm or try to go out with her, to take the fucking initiative to try and work things out, now I'm an insensitive, inconsiderate bastard for doing that. You have no fucking idea what I when through.

During that break we had, my mum would ask me "When am I gonna meet her?" All I would tell my mum is that you are busy that you have things to do. Pathetic right?

Well fuck that, I don't want bad blood between us, what has happened has happened but don't just fucking sit there when your best friend goes around spreading shit that isn't true.


These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

I Have Way Too Many Names

Sat-Nav huh? That's a new one. Care to explain? Yes I still do. On occasions. Mate, I feel like shit for not being there when you need someone but I really need to worry about myself at the moment. Shit is looking up for me but just a little bit. The usual drama and shit.


Amazing how after all that we both pretend like nothing happened at all. Shocking, but I want to prove you wrong as Alo said so. Still confused on what is going on but fuck it I'm taking baby steps.


Here I am at 5.02am on a fucking Monday morning, lying in bed regretting stay out chilling but at the same time, I had a fuck load of fun with Vinot and Nal. Last I saw Vinot was back when Inka sent him home.. it was either then or when I when to Back to School. As for Nal the last time I saw her was at the CNY gathering. Yes, it has been fucking long.

Vinot did something amazing today, something of like numerology. Not to predict the future but to tell a little bit about myself with nothing more than my birthday. Everything he said about me was true, even the traits I didn't realize. I was mind fucked, didn't want to believe it so I got him to do Mark. I was truly convinced after that.

Overall tonight was what I needed. Friends, shisha, booze and laughter. No one whom I had affection for, no crazy bitches and surely no drama. Enjoyed it.

Something really made me upset today. Rumors. I ended things because four fucking months, nothing was happening. I was a fucking mess, apparently that is normal for a guy right? To feel pain? But when I ended things, suddenly I'm the dick? See when she wanted to end it I tried, I talked her to taking a break. But she was like "owh okay, yeah" So don't say I'm an asshole for it. As for the whole "sleeping with someone and disrespecting your friends" honey, just saying I slept on the same bed, that was about it, I don't randomly fuck random people kay. I don't do that. That whole thing was a fucking misunderstanding, but whatever. I'll talk to you later today, not to defend myself but to clear the air and you tell you what exactly happened. That is, IF you want to talk to me. Next time, say something instead of putting it on Twitter.. thenkiu


Well no sleep tonight, back to assignments
These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

My Problem

Know what my problem is? I'm a fucking fucker who loves to get hurt.


I WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM!! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT?! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU SAY ALL OF THAT AND WHEN I FUCKING SO SOME FUCKING AFFECTION YOU DECIDE TO BOLD?


I'm fucking pissed, I seriously want to just smoke. But then again I can't use cigarettes as my excuse to everything. You don't do that to someone for fuck's sake, you don't fucking play with someone's feelings.


You keep asking "are you mad at me" I keep replying "no" What the fuck am I supposed to feel sweetheart? A fucking parade?


You really know how to pick them, Navin.

These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

It Has Been Handled

So shit hasn't been going so well lately as most of you were aware of it. Aware that I was depressed and I was giving up.

I broke down, that was my breaking point. I was fucking done, honestly if I was alone I would have done it. I felt the walls of the world closing in and suffocating me. Sara, I can't thank you enough for being there that  night. I assume that you got into a fuck load of trouble but I really needed someone and unfortunately you had to bear with me.



The past is the past. Fuck what has happened, I am a new man. I will be there and I will help those who are in need of help, to give others a second chance and to avoid those to have brought me misery.


These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

Spiraling Down

We spiral down
No one can save you now
We slide away
No one can bring you around


Why do i do this to myself? Why do I do this to other people? Fuck, I don't want any of this really. I  don't anyone anyone and I want to just want to get in the car and runaway for a few days, no handphones, no internet, no friends. Just me, myself and whatever is waiting for me. Maybe I'd do that this coming weekend. 


Requested for the graveyard shift to gather my thought and find myself. I enjoy the fact that I'm working alone and with very little human contact. 




Confessions to make




Honestly,

I might actually be suffering from depression. Been doing some reading and symptoms are there. Not all but they are. If anything mild depression maybe? May need to see a shrink about this. 

I regret everything I have done to you, you don't deserve that and frankly I don't deserve to be part of your existence. I've been nothing but a burden to you. I've caused you nothing but pain and misery. 

I guess that is meant for a few people in my life. Friends and family alike.

Fifth day of graveyard shift. In spite of the fact I'm actually at work, this feels like a vacation for me. Lack of human contact feels great. Am actually considering working this shift on a normal basis.  All I'd have to worry about is work and Uni. Yes, it's shit that I'd most probably cut out my social life and seem like a little emo piece of shit but frankly I feel its the best for me for now. 

Dad has been asking if I'm alright, if everything is bearable with me. I guess he knows I'm not being myself in spite of the fact I'm barely at home and barely spending time with the family. Actually plan on taking him out tomorrow for a beer and just pouring it all out to him. To let him know where I stand and what's going on in my life that way if I do kill myself it won't be such a mystery. At least someone would know. 

And yes I've actually considered it

These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up