Spiraling Down

We spiral down
No one can save you now
We slide away
No one can bring you around


Why do i do this to myself? Why do I do this to other people? Fuck, I don't want any of this really. I  don't anyone anyone and I want to just want to get in the car and runaway for a few days, no handphones, no internet, no friends. Just me, myself and whatever is waiting for me. Maybe I'd do that this coming weekend. 


Requested for the graveyard shift to gather my thought and find myself. I enjoy the fact that I'm working alone and with very little human contact. 




Confessions to make




Honestly,

I might actually be suffering from depression. Been doing some reading and symptoms are there. Not all but they are. If anything mild depression maybe? May need to see a shrink about this. 

I regret everything I have done to you, you don't deserve that and frankly I don't deserve to be part of your existence. I've been nothing but a burden to you. I've caused you nothing but pain and misery. 

I guess that is meant for a few people in my life. Friends and family alike.

Fifth day of graveyard shift. In spite of the fact I'm actually at work, this feels like a vacation for me. Lack of human contact feels great. Am actually considering working this shift on a normal basis.  All I'd have to worry about is work and Uni. Yes, it's shit that I'd most probably cut out my social life and seem like a little emo piece of shit but frankly I feel its the best for me for now. 

Dad has been asking if I'm alright, if everything is bearable with me. I guess he knows I'm not being myself in spite of the fact I'm barely at home and barely spending time with the family. Actually plan on taking him out tomorrow for a beer and just pouring it all out to him. To let him know where I stand and what's going on in my life that way if I do kill myself it won't be such a mystery. At least someone would know. 

And yes I've actually considered it

These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up