There isn't a moment he doesn't think about it,

It's always a lingering thought in his head,

No matter how much work he has,

It would always be in his head,

He feels helpless, like he's stuck in a hole,

Unsure what to do and who to take comfort from,

He just wants things back to how it was,

He feels it's very selfish of him,

A few days back he was sketching,

He came across some thing scribbled in one of the last few pages,

He stared blankly at it,

A drop fell on the page,

He realized he was tearing up,

He cried,

He felt vulnerable only to you,

He will wait.

These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

Drives & Music

First of, Happy Wesak Day to all my Buddhist buddies and readers (if there even readers)

so today was a public holiday and a Tuesday. Didn't make the day any different. Woke up at around 1 in the noon. This is because of my sleep cycle being screwed, I usually sleep like at 4 or 5 AM. So woke up watched some tv.

Went for a drive to get my mind off things. I found some really peaceful places in Bangsar to just gather my thoughts. It felt great I guess. But when I met up with some friends at the basketball, when I met up with civilization again, I felt somewhat lost and unhappy.

This is hitting me harder than I expected. I need to get it over with. I'm not too sure what the hell am I fearing. Just thinking about it makes me realize how pathetic I am.

It's 3.47AM now, all that is keeping me calm now are these

Questions has always been there for me. It is the perfect song to calm down to.

These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

Contemplation

I rushed it. I don't think I'm cut out for it. I sub-consciously do it and not realize until it's too late. If anything it's my fault. I am stupid.

There is so many things I want to write right now. But it's not the time for it yet

These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

Push.... Erase....

Awww, I remember those pictures!

Wait, who's that?

Who? Him? Fuck If I Know

Yea Who Cares

These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

Less & Less

I don’t want to go back to college; I don’t want to see them.

I shouldn’t feel soo hurt about this, but I am. And I can’t help it. We are “family” apparently.

I can never hold down a friend. I don’t blame them; I blame me. It always the same story; things goes well, drama here, drama there we get close then something like this happens and I somehow overreact.

I don’t know if I expect too much or too little from them but it ends up the same way. The list goes on regard all the people whom had this “friendship” with me.

The more I think bout it the more I want to see them less.

First day at Chapman’s bar. Boring as hell but have some good companions there; Alvin & Agnes.

Just wanted to get this off my chest.

These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

Hey, It's Just Fucking Navin

I feel upset, I feel angry and frankly I don’t have anyone who understands me. Remon made a good point earlier regarding the issue at hand. But I guess what everyone fails to understand is I have feeling too. Apparently I don’t have any. I’m just a inconsiderate bastard who disregards everyone else’s feelings.

I hate that feeling, that burning feeling in the chest. Just thinking more about it the more you have the feeling. I try to take a deep breath and try to “cool” myself.

When I hurt you, I apologized once I knew my mistake. Heck, I even felt guilty. I apologized and you just pretended like as if I didn’t. All of you did that. It really hurts. I was being sincere. Feels like you lied when you said you “care”; it doesn’t seem like you care now. Doesn’t seem like you ever cared

It’s like I’m a piece of garbage. An unimportant person. An expandable product. A expandable person.

“What Navin is upset?”

“Fuck, if I care, I mean it’s Navin; we all know how he is”

Remon made some sense, I agree, call me stubborn but I don’t want to pretend like nothing has happened. Would a rapist stop his deeds if he was just let off with a warning? They get whipped in jail and pretty much learn their lesson.

Remon told me to forget about it; I can’t. I give the I don’t care attitude but things like this I do care. I just guess some people are just too proud huh? I guess I’m an idiot with the attitude I have too huh?

Sorry Remon but I am staying put…

These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

Where'd You Go?

I can honestly say, I'm enjoying my stint at the front office. I love just meeting the guest and talking to them. I can say my calling is at front office. NOT housekeeping.

I just need to brush up my social skills abit more. I realised I stutter, choke and mumble when I dont feel comfortable talking to the guest, or feel like I'm talking to a wall.

What's wrong?

What's bugging you?

Everything is good, but you still dont seem happy

Are you alright?

These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

The L Feeling

It was a bad joke. Well it didn't feel like it when I was scheming it.

Am I supposed to feel bad?

Apparently I'm an attention seeker. Frankly, I'm not going to deny or admit to it. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Heck that's why I have my blog. Whatever, I first gave a shit when it hit the fan but now I couldn't give a fuck what anyone thinks of it and of me.

This picture. It's the cover of Thom Yorke's solo album, The Eraser. Only recently have I understood the picture. Well, my understanding. The Eraser is like anyone else, the waves represent life. Life doesn't in little amounts. It comes just as the picture shows. That's my understanding.

First day of front office. It went much better than I expected it to be. I think I'm going to really enjoy my last month here.

These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

A Man With A Fork, In A World Of Soup

Nuff Said

Came across this really funny data sheet that day... No offence ladies

Gonna go read a book.




These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

It's All Relative, It's All Understood

Well, I'm going back to my roots on this one.


This is mainly for my mum

Recently my mum asked me to pick a laptop on the Dell website. Being me, when my parents ask me to choose what I want when they pay for it, I always pick the cheapest thing.


I feel we come from a lower middle class family and I hate to be a burden to my parents. Especially to my mum. She works hard and never complains. Okay maybe a few times on how we don't help out with the chores, but she's entitled to that.


So about the laptop, I picked a cheap one and she told me to get a better one as it would be good for the long run. I don't know but I just feel guilty about it. A part of me wanted to tell her that I don't need it if she needed to fork out the amount that was needed for the better model.


Since my early teenage life, I know my parents have it hard and I try to ease their burden by getting a part time job during my holidays to pay for my daily needs. I just hate the I idea that I have to be a burden to my parents. I feel bad, I feel guilty.


Yes there are times I have misunderstandings with them, especially my mum. All this while we'd get into a heated exchange of words. It's only recently I realised that how much she's done for the three of us.


My sister and her University fees, plane tickets, allowance and her usual needs. I feel she cant seem to understand the situation that she's putting mum and dad in.

My brother, the somewhat spoilt on in the family. He too does not realise the burden he's giving them.


My parents too play a part in this. I noticed, we would want something, if it's really not necessary they'd say no. But we'd somehow make them feel guilty about not getting it for us and they ending working hard just so we're happy.


Very self centred of us isn't it. I somehow hate myself for all the burdens I've given my parents... Especially you Amma


I'm Sorry & I Love You

These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

Frustration

Really... What else is there?

It's like you just clear up the first mess and suddenly there is another and it's a hurtful one.

Work wise everything is good, I can say I'm enjoying other than the fact that I have one EVERY tough house keeping manager.

Miss, HR told me to ask you for leave of absence because my room was attacked by monkeys. They expect us to clean it

*gives a wtf look*

What you talking? Now you are on duty, please worry about your personal issues after your work... now go back to work!

Me, Her

Mind you someone forgot to close the window in our room which resulted in monkey mayhem. Shit, Food And Shit EVERYWHERE.

Freaking took me like 5 hours to clean up and wash ALL my clothes.

Am just frustrated with you. I don't know what you want. I adhered to all your rules for the room. I heard that you said that you have "problems" with your roommates. Please do enlighten me. Yes we have differences but running away to another room isn't gonna solve your fucking problems.

I'm not mad at you for changing room, I'm mad at you for not fucking telling me.

Thanks Remon

These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

What's Up With That?

Been actually studying lately and mind you I've actually learned some things and find certain subjects easier.


I'm not talking about anyone in particular, it's just me thinking out, why are people sensitive? I've changed myself to adapt to sensitive people, not to get on their bad side. But in spite of that, there seems to be more nonsense popping up.


I somewhat feel upset about Remon's case. Not upset for him but at him. I think I've told you before, bro; just tell me.


But lately, you too have changed, reason why I don't ask you is because you shrug off my question and say you are okay. Mon, you are not a good liar.


I guess its the season where everyone is disappointing one another eh?


I know I'm disappointed with Aiman.


You are too thick headed, persistent and stupid. Missing practical classes? Really dude?

Honestly, I wont be surprised if I don't see you in class next term

These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

Times Like These

With the way how things are going, I just want to hide away. There is way too much shit on my plate.

The usual amount of bad luck I get in one year has been crammed and blown straight to my face in the likes of August. I feel really tired. Sleeping never helps, I'm in trouble in one way or another.


I need a hand. I need help. I need someone, anyone.


I'm way over my head. First thing to do is to take care of this little problem. If what he says is correct and she made it formal, I am fucked. Can you blame me? I didn't sleep for 2 days because of that damn assignment and at the brink of tears because I felt soo useless, I just couldn't figure out how to get rid of the bugs in the video.


Arika and Mani helped but I was really upset. Tears were there, I tried hard to hide them. You give me this choice, fail one or fail 5. I was mad, all I asked for was 2 minutes. Go up, pass the files and come back down. You didn't give.


Somehow I'm the bad guy in all this huh?

Got A Light Bulb Full Of Anger
And I Can Switch It On And Off
Situations It Can Be So Bright, I Can't Believe
How Pathetic I Can Be 

These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

He's Gone

There He Goes,
They Had An Outing
That I Wasn't Invited For
The Typical Thing To Do
He's My Friend Too
My First Ever Friend
We Were First
Best Friends
Then
Friends
Then
Acquaintances
Finally
I
Was Punchline
For Their Jokes


Where Was I?
Why Wasn't I Called?
This Really Hurts
Not Too Sure
When I'd Be Seeing Him Again
Beginning To Hate Them More
I've Been Erased
I'm Nothing But Dust


Don't bother trying to figure out....
Fuck them

These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

Can You Feel A Little Love Tonight?

This Song Brings Back Alot Of Memories




And There Is This





These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

The Gamble

Why do it?

Why are people stupid enough to take their own life to prove they love someone?

Why is it people are fucked up?

Why?

From what I can gather these people do it to prove a point, a point such as they love someone soo much that they are willing to give their life to be with that someone.

Hold on idiot, let's think about that first. What do you get out of killing yourself over some girl/guy?

What The Love Struck Fool Would Think
1. I'll make that person regret not loving me back
2. Make everyone feel sorry for me
3. Haunt her/him
4. By doing so people will remember you forever

You get the idea


What I Think
1. You're an idiot to kill yourself for someone who doesnt think you are good enough
2. You're an idiot for the pain and suffering you "happily" give you family and especially your parents
3. You're an idiot for thinking people will remember forever, a year or two and most people would have forgotten you
4. You're an idiot for trying to get sympathy
5. You're an idiot for thinking you can haunt someone




Come one get real, there is about 6 billion people in the world. Just because one girl doesn't like you doesn't mean it's the end of the world.


The worst thing you can do is after realizing that you and him/her aren't made to be you just stay at home and emo. Let it out, talk to friends you can trust you'll feel a whole lot better.


I had to learn that the hard way. My issue is always about trust and who I trust and shit like that. It's safe to say, I trust more people now days.

Please Think About Your Parents Before You Think About The Gamble, Don't Let Them Down, Don't Let Yourself Down

If anyone needs someone to talk to I'm just a phone call away

These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

It Has Happened *Sigh*

It Has Really Happened..


| NK | says:
mcm mana?
dude
i love alexis too
but wht can we do?
Francis says:
I've decided
to quit
taylor's
and
quit diploma
i'm gonna stick to alexis
| NK | says:
wtf
dude
tell me ur joking
Francis says:
i love that place man
| NK | says:
DUDE
| NK | says:
you okay ar?
Francis says:
i dont know how to explain
but
yeah
i've decided to do it
| NK | says:
wait
lemme get this straight
ur quiiting college coz u love alexis
and plan to work there?
Francis says:
yeah
i've decided

Frans Fiscal Has Left Us...

These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

Mr. Mayukh

Random Notes I Forgot To Write About:

1. I gave Mr. Mayukh a ride to college
2. I served a guy that looks like an older version of Kennedy
3. I counted a total of 7 chicks in Alexis... All without male companions
4. It was sweet of Sook & Filza to say hello to me at work
5. I don't think I can do this for 3 months
6. 50% stopped thinking bout her, the other 50% keeps asking me why

These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

She...

I think I've made up my mind. There is nothing I can do about it. We're from two totally different worlds.

I'm Screwed Up

She's Perfect

I don't know if it was one sided or maybe she felt the same way. I could never tell, I can never interpret girls. But one thing is for sure, I'm way too afraid to do anything about it.


I remember the first time I saw her, it was like a "love at first sight thing" but more like she was different, she stood out even though she was somewhat shy and quiet. There was just something about her. She stole my heart.


She stole it and never gave it back, pretending like she never even took it. I think I made it obvious and she was most probably continued replying my messages out of common courtesy.


Soo many times, I would be having an argument in my head about what she thinks of me and whether I should move on that maybe she isn't the one. I've been fickle minded about this.


Mainly because she would dangle just that little bit of hope that maybe she feels the same way I do and then she just snatches it away. So many times, but I've been angry at her for doing so. I can't and don't think I could ever be mad at her.


I'm moving on, as painful as it is going to be I'm moving on.


Relationship is full of shit when it comes to me, it's ALWAYS one sided and I'm at the losing end.




Yes, I started to think again...


These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up

Sleep Deficiency

Can't sleep therefore my mind begins to think of all kinds of things, it's getting darker and darker

It's still there and it's still buzzing



Funny As You Maybe, Nobody Will Know How You Feel Inside, Whether You Are Hurt, Sad Or Happy And You'd Wake Up Everyday Regretting That

These are my thoughts and views. If it really offends you, either you are a pushover or just a freaking baby, grow up